STEVE:

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FEAR. He knew it well. It’s why he had stopped killing the higher ups. The ones above handlers and assets. LEADERS. Killing them only made punishments worse. Punishments that would last days and sometimes WEEKS.

“Not all of them.” Steve muttered under his breath. Sure he was more than capable of killing them all, but every time he killed one, another came back and eventually he had learned that it was USELESS. Eventually, they had BROKEN HIM to the point where he didn’t fight back.

Bitter laughter fell from his lips next when she told him that it sucked that he was getting hurt. “Hurt is an UNDERSTATEMENT.” He doesn’t elaborate more than that. Torture, pain, abuse, fear, sadness. He’s felt it ALL. It was no wonder he lashed out at everyone and anything he was able to.

Truthfully, that leash on him wasn’t very strong. It varied from person to person and from how RECENT his punishments were. Like this morning. He’s in NO HURRY for another one. He’s already starting to heal, though every step he took was PAINFUL

He’s used to pain by now though. He’s used to the agony and the limping and the bruises and broken bones. It had to be REALLY BAD in order for him to show any signs of pain. He’s learned to push past the pain and complete whatever mission he was tasked with.

“Why not Hawkeye?” Maybe he’s a little too curious for his own good. Just another thing that he supposed got him in trouble.

❜  EVERYTHING is an understatement when it comes to HYDRA. ❜  it is the definition of extra. extra training, extra abuse, extra assets who don’t care about anything. it’s all very much. claire nodded though because she’s smart enough - no matter what anyone said - to understand vague meanings and unspoken sentiments. 

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Hawkeye, hawkeye, hawkeye. there was once a time when she LOVED hearing people call her that, loved hearing her brother (    traitor    )  call her that. she was a bird high in the sky, never to be CHAINED down. but then, then she became Hydra’s Hawk and hawkeye was no more. not needed, just like claire wasn’t, but claire was the facade they allowed her to keep when she needed to ACT NORMAL

her teeth clench in the memory of getting the name; of duquesne patting her on the head, WOLF SMILING down at her. the brief memory of pierce, hand touching her straw coloured locks as she STARED straight ahead, the room filled with the hydra agents that took her, asking her what name she wants to go by - getting told by jacques that she’s HAWKEYE, the AMAZING hawkeye. 

( ‘ Amazing? ‘ he laughed, ‘ she’s a kid’ 

‘Yeah, but she’s got SKILLS that most kids don’t have - that no one here has.’ Jacques snarled, his blue eyes flashing as he pushed for the sale. She’s already been STOLEN, it wasn’t like they could just RETURN her if they didn’t want so if they didn’t take her, it wouldn’t be skin off his back. “She can shoot better than anyone I’ve seen.” 

“She uses a bow.” 

“Hasn’t stopped her in excelling better than your agents.” ) 

her  HEART STOPS. he’s not JACQUES, not PIERCE and he’s just asking why she doesn’t go by it, not why she shouldn’t be called it. and that is two different things. ❜  HAWKEYE was too weak      ❜ 

(  she couldn’t survive the trainings, couldn’t survive the beatings and the trauma, couldn’t’ survive and so hawkeye had to go. ) 

❜  AND SO hawk stands now where hawkeye once stood. ❜  bad explanation but he’s not her friend, not someone who gets to know;;  not someone who needs to know. ❜  it holds BAD memories.  so where’d you get the name steve; can you be called STEVEN? that’s a fun name to say or is it just STEVE?❜  is what she adds after a second. 

 



The training is the only thing that makes me special.

Indie. Private. Highly Selective. Rule 63 Claire Barton. MCU based, 616 influences and verse.

And if I'm not special

oc, crossover, && au friendly.
multi-everything.


please read all pages before interacting.

then none of this is worth it

Written by Bubbles.

Established 2015.
Re-Est. November 2017