‘stupid shit my friend has said to me’ sentence starters

ofhotheads:

DISCLAIMER: This was my friend’s idea. Her name has been removed to protect the ~~innocent~~ guilty. Most of these are probably gonna be NSFW. And yes, these all have actually been said to me.
“For the record, I have not used a flute as a dildo. Yet.”
“If you haven’t seen ‘Back to the Future’, I can’t even look at you.”
“I’m pretty sure ‘Heathers’ is just an elaborate plot put together from Tumblr textposts.”
“I’m going to fuck a vampire, BTW.”
“I wish I was friends with me so I could enjoy how hilarious I am without hating me.”
“I’m exactly like that shitpostgenerator blog but I was made by God instead of whoever made the shitpostgenerator blog.”
“Remember the gay cat ebook I told you about?”
“Do you ever see a character and you have some obscenely sexual thought and you just have to step back for a second and examine what life choices led you to a life of constant sin?”
“I’m ready to get fucked in the ass tonight.”
“Nope. Not okay. This is 0% okayness.”
“If you brought a ton of pads you could stick them all over your clothes and be a knight.”
“We’re having swagetti and memeballs.”
“Being friends with me is like being friends with the third page of a Google search.”
“Is Macbeth a number?”
“Go, find a bird, and FIGHT IT.”
“I cannot be bothered. I am reading gay things.”
“I just got punched in the butthole.”
“Ducktective is my best friend.”
“Tell me all about your hella Mary Sue self-insert character. Don’t lie, I know you had one.”
“So last night [name] was impersonating my cat…”
“Okay, so if it’s not gay if it’s on the moon, is it gay if it’s WITH the moon?”
“What do you think bears dream about?”
“If you have an objection, you have to show the jury your boobs.”
“We can recite poetry together.”
“That was one of the most douchey-rich-kid things I’ve ever said.”
“Want to join a group chat where we send each other pics and make comments like the ones on Nicki Minaj’s Instagram?”
“Drugs need hugs, too.”
“What if I get double pregnant? Will one cancel the other out?”
“[TXT:] I AM OUT CAMPING AND I HAVE TO PEE BUT I WAS SLEEPING IN THE CAR AND I CAN FIND MY SHOES OR FLASHLIGHT I AM IN H E L L”
“Cats can notice a mouse from like three yards away, but put a fuckin’ treat on the ground and they can smell it but they can’t find it without me fucking picking him up and putting his head right in front of it.”
“Why did he let you in on my awesome prank idea? We would’ve pranked you SO HARD.”

✦ ✧ ✦ ✶ ✧

♛;; they’re like little tiny hot dogs with sticks; y’know appetizers ❜ meme;; sentence starters ❜ ♛;; a girls gonna meme what a girls gonna meme ❜ meme;; all ❜ ♛;; sorry bubbles can’t come to the dash right now; why? she’s dead ❜misc;; queued ❜

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dark wings, dark words

( Please make sure you've read the rules before sending things in! )

Intro

These rules were written on 11/18/2017 and they are subject to change. They are non-negotiable and I expect them to be followed.

Threads

I prefer medium sized and novella threads over one-liners but that's not to say I won't do them. All my threads will be formatted and with an icon. You don't have to do that. I know some people can't make icons or don't have icons and that's okay. I do prefer you if you don't have icons/medium-small gifs, if you didn't use them, but I mean it's not going to stop me from replying to you. I'm not going to police what you use. I sometimes ramble while writing and while you don't have to match that, if you reply with a paragraph to a two or three paragraph reply that I did, I will think you don't want to do the thread anymore and drop it; roleplaying is a joint job, I don't want to be the only person putting in effort.

Memes & Asks

Memes are mutuals only. If I don’t follow you back, don’t send in the meme. Other than that, I really love receiving memes and there is never a time where I wish someone didn’t send int a meme. Always send in the memes!

Godmodding/Power Play

No godmodding. Simple as that. If your character has a power that makes it so you control other characters, come talk to me first before we thread. Also there are things about Claire that others do no know, do not make it so your character knows those things without talking to me first. I will drop the thread quick as shit if your character automatically knows something about Claire that she doesn't talk about with others.

Shipping

I am multi-ship for a reason and that reason is I love exploring all relationships. I do hold a special love for Claire/Natasha, Claire/Kate and Claire/Steve, but I’m not going to force any one to ship with me. Hell, I probably won’t even let you know I actually ship our characters because I’m that shy of a potato. I do allow Claire/OC but that’s if we talk about it and flesh it out.

Verses

I love all verses. I have so many and I love playing around in them. I am open to creating verses with characters and I am open to everyone playing in the sandbox that is my verses.

Plotting

I am very much open to plotting even though I prefer unplotted threads. I am completely open to all sorts of threads so you can come to me with any sort of plot and I'll be willing. One thing is that sometimes I'm really quick to answer my IMs and sometimes I'm slow, don't take this as personal, I'm just really absentminded and forget that I'm in the middle of a conversation

AUs & Crossovers

I am completely welcome to all crossovers as long as I know your fandom. I don't RP with animated fc though so unless you have another fc I won't RP with you.

Follow Backs

If I don't follow you back within 72 hours, I'm probably not going to follow you so please don't spam follow/unfollow me as that will get you blocked. My criteria for following isn't that difficult (have a bio page, have a rule page), but if I can't see our characters interacting, I'm not going to follow.

NSFW & Triggers

I won't smut with people unless I’ve talked about it whole with you and feel comfortable because sex makes me a little uncomfortable. Violence, language, gore, and other heavy NSFW stuff is definitely up my alley. I do have triggers and they are: rape, daddy kink, and a/b/o. Each of those can literally send my skin crawling and just mess up a pretty nice day so please I'm begging tag them. I'll tag all things that need trigger warnings like the following: trigger tw. If you ever need anything tagged, please come talk to me. I want your guys dash to be as comfortable as possible.
*On the subject of rape, I am willing to write the aftermath and talk about it and write with characters who have a backstory featuring rape, but I am not willing to write your character raping mine or visa versa.

The Mun

My name is Bubbles and I have several other accounts. What that all means is that things are going to be queued and replies will take some time. Also, all rules here are non-negotiable and while I know everyone reads a hundred different sets of rules, I do expect them to be followed. I will come to you if you break them, but honestly, if you're unsure if it does break a rule or not, I'd prefer you to come check out these rules again to refresh yourself!

Credits & Disclaimers

icon border and psd came from here

verses

OPEN.
OPEN.
OPEN.

MAIN.

Claire Barton, Hawkeye. Lives in Bed-Stuy after Loki. Deafened by making stupid choices and defending her building. Has a dog. Is a landlord. Has an amazing protege. Worked/works for SHIELD. Is an Avenger. World's Greatest Marksman.

inspiration: 616 & mcu

MCU VERSE

Claire Barton, former SHIELD agent, Avenger and mother. Code name: Hawkeye. Deafened due to a mission. Has 3 kids. Joined Cap during Civil War. inspiration: mcu only

616

Claire Barton. Hawkeye. Lives in Bed-Stuy. Avenger, SHIELD agent, landlady, full time trainwreck. Owns a dog. Has a protege. World's Greatest Marksman. inspiration: 616 only

DC

After escaping the circus life, Claire Barton travelled the country before settling in Gotham. At first, content with theiving and slight villianry, Claire managed to evade arrest, capture and the city's superheroes by moving between both Gotham and Metropolis, but soon got bored with that life. Deciding to go the straight and narrow, Claire became a "good guy" vigilante, and started working on catching the bad guys.

Hydra AU

When Jacques Duquesne decided to take in the Barton siblings, he decided that Claire Barton would make an excellent HYDRA agent and began training her for that. But when he betrayed the circus and left her for dead, he decided to sell her to HYDRA for payment, sooner rather than later despite her not being trained all the way.
Hydra agents came in the middle of the night and took her, leaving behind everything that made her her besides her bow. At the compound they tortured her until she became compliant and their brainwashing took. Training her with the best of their agents, she honed all the skills that Jacques and Buck was teaching her until she excelled in them over most. With a few hightened abilities under her belt, namely strength and healing, they put her out in the world, letting her keep the nickname "Hawkeye" as it was the best name for her.
*this is a very trigger heavy verse. please tread carefully.*
Harry Potter

Born to Pureblood wizard, Harold Barton and muggleborn mother, Edith Martin, Clarissa Barton's life wasn't easy. Her father grew abusive towards his beloved family but she dealt with it, learning how to hide in high places and disappear from sight by making people ignore her. This behaviour left her normally alone, except with her brother, Charles, but she never minded it, using this time to read about adventures in the fairy tales her muggle grandparents gave her. When she got her letter to Hogwarts, Claire was excited since she felt like she had been waiting forever and she was overjoyed that she'd be able to join her brother at Hogwarts. Though she worried about her mother, and at the prospect of nobody being able to help shield her from her father. Still, at her mother's behest, she joined her brother on the Hogwarts Express in September, her head held high.
As she waited to be sorted, Claire was terrified. She was afraid of disappointing her mother and brother or angering her father, and when she was sorted into HUFFLEPUFF, she was certain she had done both. But she recieved a letter from her mother, declaring her joy at hearing that her daughter was sorted so well.
Each year brought new things for Claire and she flourished under the teachings. Though as she entered her 5th year, she hit a snag. She had no clue what she wanted to do after Hogwarts.

Dark Hunters.

Claire Barton is one of the youngest Dark Hunter as her death only happened in the 1970s after she accidentallyr killed her brother and her mentor turned on her, killing her slowly and mercilessly until her soul cried out for vengeance at the injustice. Artemis heard her cry and brought her back, allowing her on act of vengeance against the circus folk who had been her family. After she received her revenge, she was stationed in New York City at the behest of Acheron, the Dark Hunter leader. There she watches the city and keeps the populace safe and unaware of the things that go bump in the night.

Goddess AU.

Daughter of the goddess of beauty and the god of violence, Clarissant is the Alantean goddess of the hunt and came to Earth centuries ago with her brother. Of course, they separated to do their own things and Clarissant spent it travelling the world, learning all she could. Though as mankind grew and learnt, Clarissant knew that in no time, she'd be discovered. But that didn't stop her from learning herself, though it meant that she had to keep herself hidden far into the shadows. Until one day, a group called the SSR found her. Joining in secret, Clarissant changed her name to Claire and began working with them from their early stage until they became SHIELD in a mutually beneficial way: they kept her story from ever reaching anyone ears and she used her skills as a goddess to take down those who they asked. The partnership worked well until they asked her to take down the Black Widow and Clarissant found a new person to give her loyalty to while at the same time earning the ire of the higher ups in SHIELD. Still, she yielded to their demands, not wanting to say goodbye to Earth and those that she became friends with, but put in her own conditions. Things continued fine - even when the God of Thunder came to Earth - and Claire merged back with her fellow SHIELD agents. Then Loki, the God of Trickery and Lies showed up and brainwashed Claire, that's when things got rocky.

The Walking Dead

Claire Barton lived a quiet life in Iowa up on her family's old farm when reports of the dead rising hit the news. At first cautious and wary, thinking it a prank, Claire ignored it, until the day came when no one could ignore it anymore.

Normal AU/MCAU.

Claire Barton lived a not so ordinary life as a child, especially after her abusive parents died in a car crash when she was 8 years old. Her and her brother ran away to a circus where Claire learnt some skills from some of the people there. But... That story ends there. Claire got her GED with her brother and followed him when he left for the army. She spent two tours there before she left for college, hoping to make a better life for herself. She stays in contact with her brother who was recurited to the FBI and slums it in a crappy apartment building in Bed-Stuy. She once got contacted by an alphabet company herself, but she turned them down.

HUNGER GAMES

Born in District 9 to farmers, Claire Barton worked as a harvester her whole life, that was until she was Reaped at 17 for the 67th Hunger Games. Keeping her distance from everyone was her strategy and that went well for the first day of training, but soon she realised she'd have to work with someone. Her mentor Jacques Duquesne made sure that she had extra time to train and taught her how to use weapons in the dark of the night--also teaching her other things. By time she was ready to go into the Arena, Claire was a much different person then she was when she first got there, since she was taught that the anger she had towards her father was something that could be used to survive the games.
Teaming up with District 10 and her District male, Claire worked with them while also planning on how'd she get rid of each of them. Of course, the Careers did that for her most of the time, she still had to work on getting rid of the District 10 male. It wasn't easy but she did so by throwing a knife into the back of his neck. After she got rid of him, she had to start getting rid of the Careers who stood directly in her way of gettting home.
Though most of them got rid of each other, Claire still had to worry about the District 2 female who was ruthless as hell. Not content with just running and hiding, Claire lured her out of the rest of the arena and had a huge showdown near the cornacopia, leading to Claire cutting her neck. Bloodied and ready to come home, Claire was crowned the victor of the 67th Hunger Games, which was honestly just the beginning of her new life.
Additional: Claire is on the Rebellion's side."
THE LAST HOPE.

Based off this. Claire Barton, former Unspeakable, joined the Aurors when she felt like she wasn't doing as much as she could. She gained a partner in the form of Kate Bishop, daughter of Death Eater Derek Bishop.
CLICK ME TO JOIN.

reincarnation au

Triggers: past character death, past miscarriages,
Claire Barton is Anne Boleyn, past Queen of England and she has no idea why she woke up after her head was cut off. She had expected to find herself either in Heaven or in Hell, not waking up in a bare room exactly as she had been as a child but in a different time. Upon stumbling out of the room, Anne realised that she had to take a different name, one that would bring no looks towards her. Choosing the name, Clarissa Frances Barton, she hung to her old learnings at the French court. But that was not it. As she continued on, the newly named ex-Queen was picked up by a travelling circus and there, she learnt how to hone her skills with a bow and took up the mantel given to her by the man who taught her. As Hawkeye, Anne truly became Claire Barton, orphan daughter of a man who beat his wife and killed his eldest child - as she had told people that's why she had been wandering.

But she was picked up soon after her 21st birthday, and her new life at SHIELD began, with her harbouring the well hidden secret of her real name and life.

VERSE NAME.

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VERSE NAME.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce scelerisque nec orci ac elementum. Etiam dictum leo in leo fringilla, at ultricies arcu venenatis. Ut dignissim pretium volutpat. Nullam pharetra, nunc volutpat porttitor congue, libero felis tincidunt quam, at hendrerit velit augue vel odio. Praesent tincidunt lorem vitae maximus porta. Suspendisse hendrerit ut velit eget mattis. Proin malesuada efficitur ligula, a posuere sapien mollis et. Etiam volutpat in lectus at malesuada. Nunc et interdum leo.

VERSE NAME.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce scelerisque nec orci ac elementum. Etiam dictum leo in leo fringilla, at ultricies arcu venenatis. Ut dignissim pretium volutpat. Nullam pharetra, nunc volutpat porttitor congue, libero felis tincidunt quam, at hendrerit velit augue vel odio. Praesent tincidunt lorem vitae maximus porta. Suspendisse hendrerit ut velit eget mattis. Proin malesuada efficitur ligula, a posuere sapien mollis et. Etiam volutpat in lectus at malesuada. Nunc et interdum leo.

VERSE NAME.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce scelerisque nec orci ac elementum. Etiam dictum leo in leo fringilla, at ultricies arcu venenatis. Ut dignissim pretium volutpat. Nullam pharetra, nunc volutpat porttitor congue, libero felis tincidunt quam, at hendrerit velit augue vel odio. Praesent tincidunt lorem vitae maximus porta. Suspendisse hendrerit ut velit eget mattis. Proin malesuada efficitur ligula, a posuere sapien mollis et. Etiam volutpat in lectus at malesuada. Nunc et interdum leo.

"But I wanted to play with the big boys. And if I miss, it means I'm just another dude with a bow. It means I've been fooling myself this whole time. And that's why I never miss. "

ABOUT SECTION

Name: Clarissa "Claire" Barton
Gender: Female
Alias: Hawkeye.
Occupation: SHIELD AGENT/AVENGER
Species: Human
Birthday: June 18th

History:

Born to Edith and Harold, Claire suffered abuse and neglect at her parents hands until they died in a car crash when she was 8 years old. Sent to an orphanage that was worse than their home life, Claire and her brother were sent to foster homes with varying degrees of abuse until they ran away. Joining the nearby circus, they started a new life.

But life in the circus was anything but happy and while Claire did learn new skills, she and her brother drifted away from each other. When she was 16 year old, her mentor betrayed her and her brother left for the army, leaving Claire in the circus by herself. She soon gained a new mentor in Buck Chisholm who taught her all she needed to know on archery.

Gaining a spot in the circus and a spot in the crime world at the same time, Claire became a headliner and a mercenary. She went on jobs with Buck when he went to steal things and soon she grew to love her new life. Even if she was alone in her new life, she was content. But when she was out on a job and shot and killed her brother who had become an undercover FBI agent, her life came crumbling down.

Building a new life from the ashes was hard, even if she had done it mulitple times, and she felt lost. Drifting with multiple people during this time, she soon got caught by SHIELD when she was on a job. They were planning on giving her a new life, even if she didn't want one.

*In all verses, Claire is DEAF/HOH. She wears hearing aids and said hearing loss is written in her personal SHIELD file, though not many knows how bad the hearing loss is/knows that she can barely hear.

ABILITIES:

MASTER ARCHER — Barton has trained herself to become a master archer specializing in the use of regular bows, longbows, compound bows, and crossbows with near-perfect accuracy. She is capable of firing multiple arrows at a single target in a few seconds, hitting multiple targets in a few quick strokes, and directly hit small targets in the greatest of distances. Barton has even been known to hit an apple in the center of it. She practices a minimum of two hours per day to keep her skills honed.

EXPERT MARKSMAN — She possesses very keen eyesight, and her accuracy is virtually unerring; she was trained in her youth by Trick Shot with throwing blades, balls, bolas, and boomerangs. She now has near-perfect precision with any aimed or thrown weapon. She can hurl objects with extreme speed and accuracy, both in direct aim and complicated rebounds/interactions.

EXPERT ACROBAT — Barton possesses exceptional human strength, endurance, and stamina. She is athletic, with very good reflexes and agility. This, combined with training as an aerialist and acrobat, makes her capable of numerous complex acrobatic maneuvers.

EXPERT MARTIAL ARTIST — Barton is an excellent martial artist, having been trained in various forms by SHIELD. She also relies heavily on the training she recieved as a kid by Trick Shot and Swordsman.

SKILLED TACTICIAN — Barton is a highly competent strategist, tactician, and field commander.

WEAPONS PROFICIENCY — Although she is not known to use melee weapons, Barton's incredible reflexes and hand-eye coordination allow her to easily master most weapons. she also received training in swordsmanship during her youth from the original Swordsman, who was considered one of the greatest experts in sword-fighting the world has ever known. Barton is skilled with swords, knives, nunchukus, staffs and is one of the few people to be able to properly handle Captain America's shield.

MULTILINGUAL — Not only is Hawkeye fluent in English, her mother tongue, but also in Italian, Spanish and ASL.

NAVIGATION

mun asks
starter senteneces meme mun meme
aesthetics image
bug us post starter calls
open starters symbol meme
shipping call psa
the baes self promo

The training is the only thing that makes me special.

Indie. Private. Highly Selective. Rule 63 Claire Barton. MCU based, 616 influences and verse.

And if I'm not special

oc, crossover, && au friendly.
multi-everything.

please read all pages before interacting.

then none of this is worth it

Written by Bubbles.

Established 2015.
Re-Est. November 2017